Jenny Spencer

Kane and able

Jenny stands on the production line, controversially reviving the African American tradition of chanting melancholic music about her own oppression as she works. Only kidding; Jenny does sing, but it tends to be more Bon Jovi than ancient spirituals. And she is very productive, but it's mostly of her own volition thanks to her amazing work ethic.

Her story is actually entwined with the fortunes of Tottenham Hotspur football club. When pressed on this, it transpires that she never lived in London; it's more to do with an ongoing obsession with attractive, fit young men donning the pure white shirts of the club, going back as far as Jimmy Greaves, through Ricky Villa and David Ginola. Now her affections have rested firmly on Harry Kane (there's no accounting for taste).

For a firm like us in North Yorkshire, this seems a little strange, especially since a life-size cutout of Mr Kane turned up in the print room. It is rumoured that Jenny can be found deep in conversation with the cutout when she thinks nobody is looking, even sharing the occasional dance and cheese and wine party. We asked Harry to confirm or deny these rumours, but he was unavailable for comment.